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I feeel the need to just spill my heart out. I feel pretty sad today, i dont really know whats going on with me. I dont want to go too into depth about my relationship, but basically losing weight is the last hope I have with it. Things have been complicated and very difficult for me and my boy. He currently lives about two hours away going to school and in january ill be transferring to a school..and we will then be three hours away. Basically i have never let myself have feelings for someone like this, ever in my life. And i have never ever thought of marriage or spending my life with someone. Until now. Alot of bad things happened to me this past year, and it is to the point where me and him hardly talk, but we are still together. I guess love is just really there. I know being skinny wont fix everything, and maybe not my relationship. But its my last hope. I know something that is holding him back is the fact that im overweight. Because he is not. And i thought about it and it honestly, would be hard for me to commit to a boy who was overweight like i am. As shallow as that sounds. I just dont want to lose hope with this. I want to keep going.

I guess i just need some people to tell me to keep going and that there is hope.
cause right now i feel like crying for a few days. Its just exhausting. And frustrating. You guys understand, because i know you all feel exhausted and frustrated, because you all work so hard.

Iapos;d rather not see the you deserve better. Or someone who loves you at your worst.
i dont want better. I want him. And i dont want to be at my worst anymore.


Hope you guys all had a better day that me
on the upside, i didnt eat much today and im down another pound.

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