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So, I was going to take a break from the Internet, but I canapos;t. I love you, Internet.

Iapos;ve actually been working on my web site. I canapos;t find all of the pictures I want to scan, but Iapos;m sure I will someday.

Anyway, after four years of not knowing what to do with it, my site should be 80 complete/up and running by Friday. Iapos;m pretty psyched. Itapos;s super-cheesy, but then, Iapos;ve only just learned to embrace that facet of my personality.

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New place to protect my privacy. I need space to scream out my ranting again. The previous one can never be my ranting ground anymore. There are people in this world who have nothing better to do, spamming my board, spreading stupid comments and making jokes out from my blog. Thatapos;s not the way I want to be. I want a blog that everyone come and read, appreciate my post and giving me sensible advice and comment on it. I hope this new born could be the one I can rely on and start my old days again.


Johnny

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My magnesium was .7 today which is the lower end of normal. Normal is .7 to.9. That was after a week of taking tablets. They had given me extra magnesium anyway because it had been ordered,but I actually didnapos;t need it Hopefully the trend will continue. I donapos;t go back to day centre until next Wednesday But I have a few day 100 appointments, so I canapos;t go to Phillip Island this weekend.


But I have just spent 4 days there which was lovely. Saturday was warm. I lazed around, played with Alfie, watched TV (of course) and slept alot. The main thing was I didnapos;t get sick which was really encouraging. I was a bit dehydrated this morning. I donapos;t like hot drinks much so herbal tea is out, so Iapos;m drinking gatorade, cranberry juice, milo with soy milk, chocolate up and go for breakfast and a bit of water. But its a struggle to get to 200l. And they all have sugar. I� think about coffee but havenapos;apos;t felt brave enough to try it.

So everything os going pretty well, touch wood.
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Hey Today was awesome Yesterday I was able to play legos and hide-and-seek with the kids before going to the wedding rehearsal and dinner in Lexington. Had a chance to reconnect with a couple that I had played harp for their wedding 4 1/2 years ago. That was awesome to chat with them and find out that we live fairly close to each other Nashville

Today my mom went with me to the wedding and then we met some friends at Cracker Barrel for dinner. Had a blast catching up with them. Great to spend some girl time with mom too Got home pretty late (as usual). Seems like thereapos;s just not enough hours in the day Tomorrow Iapos;m supposed to leave after church, but I really wanted to do some baking while Iapos;m here Maybe if I go to bed now Iapos;ll get up early enough to make cookies or something before church. Hmmmm...

OH GUESS WHAT?? Dad fixed my computer now, so hopefully when I get back to Nashville tomorrow night I can figure out how to post pictures on here That would be awesome because I have plenty of them to post.

Itapos;s so great being here Just in the couple of days Iapos;ve been here I got to see some of our neighbors and friends. Just to hear them talk is so refreshing I miss hearing them...they donapos;t even realize it either. I just kept asking them questions to hear that deep southern draw and they think I was really listening to what they were saying jk

Today was the first time Iapos;ve let my hair go curly in probably a year I always straighten my hair or at least tame it somehow. Today it looked really cool all scrunched up the way I used to do it. Crazy topic, but I should leave it this way tomorrow and get a picture with the family or something to put on here. :-)

Talk to ya later
Deanna Loveland

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We broke it off. Well, he did the breaking, but I�gave him the reason. Anyway, we parted as friends, I�hope. He seemed to want to stay good friends, so I�hope he meant it. I guess weapos;ll see.

Iapos;m sad, but I�know that itapos;s for the best. He wants a family and he should pursue that. It would be dishonest for me to continue this relationship knowing that I�have no intentions of getting married again or having more kids. I really wish it could have worked out differently, but thatapos;s life.

Anyway, just an update.
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I feeel the need to just spill my heart out. I feel pretty sad today, i dont really know whats going on with me. I dont want to go too into depth about my relationship, but basically losing weight is the last hope I have with it. Things have been complicated and very difficult for me and my boy. He currently lives about two hours away going to school and in january ill be transferring to a school..and we will then be three hours away. Basically i have never let myself have feelings for someone like this, ever in my life. And i have never ever thought of marriage or spending my life with someone. Until now. Alot of bad things happened to me this past year, and it is to the point where me and him hardly talk, but we are still together. I guess love is just really there. I know being skinny wont fix everything, and maybe not my relationship. But its my last hope. I know something that is holding him back is the fact that im overweight. Because he is not. And i thought about it and it honestly, would be hard for me to commit to a boy who was overweight like i am. As shallow as that sounds. I just dont want to lose hope with this. I want to keep going.

I guess i just need some people to tell me to keep going and that there is hope.
cause right now i feel like crying for a few days. Its just exhausting. And frustrating. You guys understand, because i know you all feel exhausted and frustrated, because you all work so hard.

Iapos;d rather not see the you deserve better. Or someone who loves you at your worst.
i dont want better. I want him. And i dont want to be at my worst anymore.


Hope you guys all had a better day that me
on the upside, i didnt eat much today and im down another pound.

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Oy. I feel so old. I havenapos;t been posting here in a few days because of back pain. It feels like spasms or cramps any time I move or twist in certain ways, so itapos;s very fucking awkward. I really hope itapos;s just something simple, that can go away on its own or that has a simple solution if it stays long enough for me to go to the doctor to get rid of it..

In the meantime, Iapos;m still going to go to work because I canapos;t afford to be absent any more. I also havenapos;t made any proper arrangements for looking at houses or apartments later this week.. Iapos;m letting everything pile up all at once. D
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